Month: February 2018

I guess it’s karma
For all the nights I would purposefully keep myself awake
My own form of self-suffering
Of self-destruction
It was how I kept control
Taking away the one thing I thought I always had
Sleep

Now that’s what I can no longer do
I rest hour by hour
Minutes by minute
Nothing to nothing
All it does is make the dark circles under my eyes grow
They start shaping from color to formations
Now they’re bags
Insomniac or no

But in the end I’ll forever be a believer in the Art of Self-Destruction

---

L.C. Anderson High School

9th

If only you could see how beautiful you are
If only you could see what I see
You’d see the way you light up my world
By only just existing

Every time you smile
I swear my life becomes ten times more pure
Every time you laugh
I swear I become ten times more innocent
You opened me up to a new world
Surrounded by color and clarity
I don’t know where my life would be
If you were not right next to me

I watch the sun as it kisses your face
The way it sets your hair aglow
Or the way it lights up your eyes
And the piercing black becomes a startling brown in which I wish more to know

When you secretly tried to hide your tears
But I catch one rolling down your cheek
I would do anything to fight your demons
And hug you into a peaceful sleep

When you become angry
And try to hold in your frustration
All I can focus on is the cute way your button nose scrunches up
And I forget all of my agitation

When you laugh
It sets heaven alight
You are the cause for all the bright stars in the sky
That shine clearly in the night

If only you could see how beautiful you are
If only you could see what I see
You’d see the way you light up my world
By only just existing

---

L.C. Anderson High School

9th

She was the girl with the walls that stood tall.

She was the girl that appeared to have it all.

With joy in her heart and a skip in her walk.

She would bring a smile to your face every time she talked.

She looked like she could fight the dark.

She was the girl that would leave her mark.

But one day those walls came tumbling down.

And with that she lost her crown.

---

L.C. Anderson High School

9th

It’s just a number, right?

Wrong.
It’s your whole life.
You eat exercise.
You breathe pounds.
You see in numbers.
It begins to take over everything.

First it starts with exercise.
Minutes turn to hours.
Then you start to count calories.
Thousands turn to hundreds until they turn to nothing.
The numbers start to grow in your head.
They’re the last thing you think of before you go to sleep.

Second is weight.
The first few days your body aches from hunger, but soon you begin to fall in love with it.
The pain.
It reminds you that what you’re doing is all for not.

The first change you notice is your collarbone.
You notice that it’s starting to pop out more.
The next is in your hands.
The bones you used to never see start to move and become more visible.
Then your ribs start to appear a lot more when you breathe or stretch.
Your legs then begin to shrink and the gap starts to appear.
Your arms become skinnier and your face gives it all away.
The thinness and fragileness of it gives away that you’re dying inside.
The dark circles under your eyes contrast with your skin and those around begin to see how exhausted you are.

And there you have it.
You’re starting to die.
The pain is gone at this point, but the thing that remains is the emptiness you feel inside.
You’re hollow.
A shell with a soul long gone.
You no longer feel the life, the energy inside you.
You begin to wonder how long you’ll keep going.
What’s your breaking point?
Every pound seems to take away a bit of your spark.
Pretty soon there’s nothing left.
You begin to ask yourself, “Will this be the death of me?”
Will I let this consume me?
You begin to start thinking yes.
You don’t care if you’re starving.
You don’t care if you begin to lose the ones around you.
Because after all the numbers are what truly make you happy.

But its no big deal, right?
You don’t care.
The other’s around you either took too long to notice or ignored it.
You’ll be fine, right?
After all, you’re only dying?

It’s just a number, right?

---

L.C. Anderson High School

9th

I Believe In Darkness, I Believe In Light

Fear. Evil. Screams. Tears. Hate. The Fallen. Exhaustion.
Destruction. Poison. Harm. Wicked. Silence.
Sin. Pain. Slipping. Trapped. Crime. Immortality. Fear. Damnation.
Anxiety. Panic. Insecure. Fire. Fault. Addiction.
Demons. Storms. Death. Scared. Chaos. Sadness. Darkness.
I have fallen in love with the immoral.
Seeking comfort within the shadows.
There is something interesting about sin.
Like dancing with the devil.
The rush that comes from being bad.
I have fallen in love with the darkness.

I believe in darkness.
But I also believe in light.

Brave. Good. Laughter. Smiles. Love. Rise. Lively.
Creation. Heal. Pure. Life. Beginnings.
Warmth. Whimsical. Comfort. Secure. Hope. Family.
Happiness. Yours and Mine. Protection.
Positivity. Color. Present. Calm. Compassion. Light.
I have fallen in love with the righteous.
Finding joy in my innocence.
Constantly searching and discovering.
Like flying with angels.
The calm that comes from stability.
I have fallen in love with the light.

I believe in darkness.
But I also believe in light.

---

L.C. Anderson High School

9th

It allowed her to believe in color
To now see the world in a light anew
Her existence used to be much duller
But suddenly gray was replaced by blue

Years and moments that used to be a blur
But now time in her life starts to stand still
Dreams of happier times would defer
Her life was really only going downhill

She holds her happiness wrapped in a capsule
She holds her entire life in her hands
She has more soldiers to fight her battles
She now begins to push through the badlands

A world once surrounded by black and white
She is now unstoppable, now she fights

It taught her to see in color
To see the world anew
Her life used to be much duller
But now gray was replaced by blue

Days that used to be a blur
But now time stands still
Dreams of happier times would defer
Her life was only going downhill

Happiness was wrapped in a capsule
She holds her entire future in her hands
More soldiers to fight her battle
She begins to push through the badlands

A world once surrounded by black and white
She is now unstoppable, she found her reason to fight

---

L.C. Anderson High School

9th

Promise that you’ll be alright

Promise I’ll hold you tight through the night

I’ll always be there for you

Promise that you won’t go blue

Promise that I’ll be you’re protector

I promise that I’ll let no one hurt her

promise, Promise, PROMISE

Now I have nothing left to give

But I promise

Dedicated to my Promise

---

L.C. Anderson High School

9th

I am dead

I wonder what it is like to be alive
To feel
I know I am not alone
I hear the silent screams of others when they are alone
The silent plea for help
I’m like them
When alone the tears fall like a waterfall

I am dead

I pretend to be okay
How are you feeling
Fine
Lie
How has your day been
Good
Lie
No one can tell
It’s a mask
The perfect mask
I am cracked, broken
But fine

I am dead

I feel invisible, unwanted
I touch and break everything in my presense
I just want to be loved
But don’t deserve it
I worry I am not good enough

I am dead

My mind is a dark place
If you were to enter it you would get lost in a sea of horror and terror
The night terrors
Inner demons scary enough to cause a heart attack
They have haunted me for years
Silently creeping through the night
Moving for hours
When they leave peace comes

I am dead

I am a coward
NO!
Act strong
NO!
I AM A COWARD!
It’s true
The truth always surfaces
I’m afraid, frustrated , anxious, UNHAPPY
Conceal it, conceal it, conceal it
Let them know and you fail
Let them know and it makes you stupid
I’m scared
Scared for those I care about
Scared of myself
Scared of my mind
The potential it has to get lost in itself

I am dead

I feeling it building
Uh oh, the lump starts to form
My eyes hurt
Run!
Be alone
You have to make it
A tear falls
Almost there
Now find a place to hide
The bathroom
Lock the door
The bedroom
Block the door
Now let it out
Don’t make any sound
They can’t hear you
It ocerwhelms my heart
It aches
It hurts physically
Relieve it
Relieve it
There!
Scratch over and over again
It hurts but feels good
It’s red but feels good
They rise
Focus on that
Ow
Keep going
Stop
Focus on the new pain
What emotional one?
Oh no
It’s worse than I thought
Don’t worry
It’ll just rise then fall
Rise then fall
You’re okay
It is getting better

I am dead

Oh no

It’s building again
Stop
Never
My breath shakes
I need a distraction
My arm sure itches
SCRATCH IT
I begin to run it
NO SCRATCH IT YOU IDIOT
Fine
I use my nails and dig into my skin
It feels so good
Scratch harder, faster
Okay
My arm turns red
I continue moving faster
What was that?
I look down and see raw skin
That’s going to hurt in the morning
It heals
But it leaves something
A reminder
A scar
Anxiety is a pain

I am dead

They always seem to follow me
Their curiosity
Piercing my soul
Whats your name
Don’t look at them
Mari
Please don’t say something else
Where did you dmtransfer from
Shoot
Short and simple
T.E.A
Cool
Thank God
It is over

I am dead

Stupid
Coward
Afraid
Ugly
Fat
Anxious
Evil
Psycho
Scared
Idiot
Pretty soon you start to believe it
You just have to keep telling yourself it
Stupid
Coward
Afraid
Ugly
Fat
Anxious
Evil
Psycho
Scared
Idiot
Say it over and over again
Stop
STOP
STOP
STOP!

I am dead.

---

L.C. Anderson High School

9th

I start from a seed
As small as a bead
I form roots
They grow out in shoots
Then I come out of the ground
I don’t weigh a pound
I see green
Then orange, and red, and brown
Then white
Pure white light
I realize I am taller now
Wow
I watch the seasons as they go by
I watch the skies fly
And before I know it
I am a full grown oak tree.

---

Gorzycki Middle School

7