One day I will be free of the emotions that rattle me.
I want to be more than what flows overhead
The little that resolute thinking does
Is not enough to turn tissues into tougher stuff.
Gratefulness and guilt intertwine in my mind.
Unexplainable tears and irrational fears at the slightest provocation.
Why do happiness and hardship both
Inspire sadness?
It is easier to hate myself than you, undeserving
Yet, mostly unspoken, my thoughts occasionally arrive at shadowed destinations
With both of us their passenger.
I’m sorry, I say, unmovingly
And recede into unintention, stagnant and assuming.
If only I could strengthen my will would those restless waters still?
Or would I again be out of control, windless, breathless
Away from home, my destination still unknown?
Time too late, just wait.
I will grit my teeth and bear my imagined, brittle, inward burdens
When did first world problems became too heavy to hold?
The more I cling to my own wellbeing, the more unwell I feel.
I’ll give myself away instead and see what returns
Not everything, for sure, but things better shared than owned.
A peace for us all.
LC Anderson High School
11