I feel lost
When I stare out my window
There’s so much space to lose myself
It’s claustrophobic, stifling.
Why am I doing this?
Losing sleep over things I was taught to stress over
And hating myself for slipping lower.
I just want to do what’s right.
Give back to my family and secure a future
Shine bright and have a place to sleep at night.
I tell myself that I do not need to feel
That I can kill myself a little bit
I mute my mind and let my brain do the talking
But then it really feels like dying.
I have so many reasons to feel grateful
And I really do, always
But you tell me to wait.
When you really want me to forget
Slowly, letting my spirit grow old.
You tell me to wait
“Your hard work now will pay off later”
It’ll get easier
Once you learn to let go.
And replace all the things you used to care about
With the notions you’re sold.
When I let my thoughts roam freely
They remind me of truer things.
I look down at my hands and wonder what I’m doing
Motivation is just shutting out memories of happiness
And convincing myself I’ll relearn it with practice.
But I didn’t start broken, so why do I need fixing now?
What have you taught me to break me?
What poison have I been fed to need an antidote?
The prescriptions you wrote
Never heal where it hurts.
When you look in the mirror do you become transparent
Too?
Your ghost soul can’t save me as I grow old
Like you.
Are you happy?
We really are a family.
LC Anderson High School
11
