July
Tonight I look at Ara
I swear a vow of allegiance,
To the altar
Just as the gods did before they went to war.
Between the dropseed, I believe I have the best view
Other then the old road south of my feet, it is quiet
A dim yellow brushes the corner of my eyes, interrupting my pledge
“Are you dead?”
I sit up from the grasses, dry and itchy, as comforting as home
I don’t respond
The lights roll away
I go back to Ara
August
Tonight I look at Hercules
The war is just beginning
And the boy Hercules is arising from the mortal village
A vision of strength disguised in a teenage body
It’s hot out tonight
The old road is loud with cars
first football game of the season
The lights are back
They stop this time, turn off
The dropseed shivers and rustles at something new
Flattening the grass as he lays beside me
“So you’re not dead”
His presence is a contrast to the weather
I turn away
Back to Hercules
September
Tonight I look at Capricornus
Battle is waging
The goat battering others with it’s horns
The lights were here before me this time
The boy already laying in the grass
“It’s Capricornus tonight”
It’s dark so he doesn’t see me smile
Or maybe he does?
His face is hidden by the dark sky above us
I lay down
I was cold before, but next to him it’s warm
We look together
Back to Capricornus
October
Tonight I look at Pegasus
The war is won, the gods rejoice
More stars are visible tonight then usually
But I’m not as focused
His name is Dawnie, like the morn’
I call him Annie
We talk in school now, he’s a grade ahead of me
And although tonight feels perfect
Not to hot, not to cold
And the stars are shimmering
I find myself gazing at something else
But back the stars
Back to Pegasus
November
It’s too cold to go stargazing
But I go anyway
I lost track of what constellation is there tonight
Only what boy is
We share a blanket, but don’t dare glimpse at the sky
The dropseed like the soft pillows I imagine in his room
I cry when I get home, sore
I missed the stars
December-March is too cold for stars
But I’ll find something else to look at.
Back to Annie
July
It’s Sunday night
I take the keys, recite the address
Glass shatters
Mom says to get out, to go to the church
Before things get bad
So I drive
Down the old road, towards the school and the chapel
A body catches my eyes
A girl laying between the dropseed
I roll to a stop, my lights dimming to yellow
My window comes down
Creaking with the thickness of the wind
“Are you dead?”
She sits up, and points to the sky
Stargazer.
I drive away
August
It’s Thursday night
I walk out of the house bruised, but not badly
Mom says to get out again, Dad drives in from the bar
So I take the keys
It’s hot out tonight
The old road is busy with cars
Copies of one and other, herding in the high school stadium
First football game of the season
I would go, but I have a better idea
I slow, then stop
Turn my lights off so she can see
The dropseed rustles as I walk deeper in
And I lay down next to her
“So you’re not dead”
She turns away
But I don’t
September
It’s Friday night
I’m bleeding when I leave, but I don’t mind
I punched Dad today, he cut my brow
The sun is setting when I get there
Before her
I’m laying in the grass when she walks up
“It’s tonight”
I had bought a star chart
She smiles, but doesn’t know I notice
Or maybe she does?
I feel her next to me
I forget my problems, for I’m next to her
I forgot my cut, staining the grasses a cold vermillion
We look together
Up at
October
It’s Saturday Night
The Police are here, Dad will go away for a little while
The stars what is happening, and shine a little brighter
But I’m not as focused on them
Her name is Athena, like the goddess
No surprise she likes the stars, different stars then most other girls focus on
I call her Enna
We talk in school now, she’s a grade below me
Tonight is perfect
Not to hot, not to cold
And Mom is safe
I want to think about her, but my thoughts keep drifting
Back to Enna
We lay there for a while
And watch the stars
November
It’s to go stargazing
But I go anyway
I bring blankets for us, for protection from the cold
I bring other types of protection too
I need her
We share a blanket, the dropseed acting as a pillow around us
I smile on my way home, sore
I love her
She is my stars now
December-March is too cold for stars
But I have something else to look at.
Enna.
(Context: The descriptions of how the constellations relate to Greek mythology compare to what domestic violence Dawnie is experiencing at home, acting as an extended metaphor. They also are constellations best viewed during the month they’re talked about.)