Author: isabelam0426

Birthday invites, never sent
To a dad who couldn’t come back from his “trip”
One more year older
But you’re just a kid
And it hurts
As I watch you try to erase him

You wait by the phone
Every airplane looks to you like hope
Your voice a whisper as you remember
Your words lost to the wind
All of your wishes wasted on him

Deep down you know he’s gone
Not why or how but you know
Always smarter than you had to be
But you’re just a kid
You shouldn’t have to think about this

The park turned from a happy place
To a reminder
Because you see him everywhere
You see him in everything
He follows you like a shadow
His words haunt you like a ghost

You make up for his absence in your own head
Too hurt to believe it’s true
With enough love to give for the both of you
And him with nothing to give back

Tears come and go
Like a storm on the beach
Forgotten in an instant
The tide washing over
All the hope you once had

So sadness turned to anger
And laughter turned to hurt
A love meant to be eternal
Now unrequited by a father
Who’s never going to learn

You had so much innocence
And he took it
Like the thief he is
But you loved him regardless
Because you’re just a kid

You’ll get older
And he’ll fade away
Like a memory
Like the mist of the morning,
Gone by sunrise
And you will wonder
Forever changed by a man
Too cowardly to say goodbye

I hate him because you can’t
I cry when you won’t
I love you for everything he can’t see
He doesn’t understand
That you are just a kid

And he never deserved a love as pure as yours.

Darkness until night
A single spark
Flickering
In the night

Evolution
A spark becomes
A tender flame,
But it’s only one night in the dark

Multiplication
The flame becomes a fire
And suddenly there’s even more
It’s hardly dark anymore

Burnt
It’s what your apple trees are
The smell of apples is released into the air
That one spark was way too much

Umiibig Ang Luha,
Each day in my bed;
I cry thinking about you,
And every word you said.

Your deep brown hair;
Black in the night,
Your dark, tired eyes
Every time we pass sight.

You balance your life to perfection;
While still being funny and cool.
But when I look at my awards;
It makes me look like a fool.

Umiibig Ang Luha,
Weeping till rise,
But when we are in contact,
I can’t help but sigh.

At school, in our classes;
Focused on work
At lunch or outside,
The concrete lands we lurk.

But may luha pa rin;
From my life away from you,
I regret life and its downsides;
I just wish you knew.

I hope you like me back;
But it’s obviously a no;
Your love is living her best life;
And I am living alone.

She exceeds in cheer;
I exceed in band-or-something;
She wins awards;
But I have won nothing.

Umiibig Ang Luha,
I am the tears it’s true;
Memento mori, life is short;
So I’m glad I spent it with you.

Love is beautiful;
All warm and giddy
But what about everything else?
The fear and adrenaline from your body?

I’m not saying love is gross
I’m in love too.
That’s why I am writing this poem.
To ask a question to never be answered.

Love is stressful, dont lie.
Each day you see the “Love-of-your-life”
Everything feels tense, your mouth is dry
It’s dry but watering.

People will ask you
“Will you ever tell them?”
Or It could be worse,
Will your secret be leaked?

Love can be a scary place;
But once you are ready
And your gripping the wheels of confession tight;
You can get the hang of it

It’s funny.
How I never thought you would see me
in the window.
How it seemed
you’d just pass by
I’d just pass by
the world
would just pass by.
It’s funny.

It’s easier to pass by quickly
on a smooth sidewalk
then on a cracked one.

It’s funny
how so few things got stuck in the cracks–

but I don’t think either of us ever thought
about the things stuck so deep into them
that they can’t be pulled out.

Didn’t you once wish being enough could be enough?
Didn’t you once wish nothing could be enough?
Didn’t you once wish everything could be enough?
You wished for a lot of things
but I wished for more.

It’s easier to pass by quickly
on a smooth sidewalk
then on a cracked one–

but you didn’t care about the cracks;
you cared about me.

The woods beside the school used to be our kingdom
the cedar needles were crowns, the
clearings our conquered cities
the raised storm drain our stage
we were marbles
swirl of colors on the inside
covered by translucent glass
wide-eyed, supposedly delicate but truly invincible
you could see right through us

but one day
the forest was chopped down

we disappeared
rolling
into the tunnels under the storm drain
it was dark
on we rolled
we couldn’t control the downward motion
our sheer, smooth glass kept us tumbling down
into the depths of the sewage

when I emerged
the rest of the marbles were gone

maybe they were still lost in the tunnel
their glass hadn’t hardened, and they were
still rolling
maybe they had come out the other drains
they’d taken a wrong turn
or maybe the right turn
maybe they’d cracked and broken while inside

sometimes you’re the only one who can
piece yourself back together

i’m not a marble anymore
my glass has turned to rock
supposedly invincible but truly delicate
you can’t see through me, but neither can I
sometimes
but I think my swirl of colors is still inside

no one can stay a marble forever
no one can live forever

rocks aren’t round and
wide-eyed like marbles
but they each hold different shapes
and they fit together
in puzzles

there are more marbles
there are more rocks

we all find each other
eventually
we keep breaking
we harden our shells

even outside of the tunnel and apart
we’re pulled by constant downward motion

because the nature of a marble
rock or glass
is to keep rolling.

Star Catcher
There was once a girl who
spun silver shining silk threads
brightly,
up to the stars
and tried to rope the moon
into her own orbit.

Far away, far away,
bright lights shone
she
drank moonlight from a silver goblet
and breathed hope into being
as a fire, as a
light.
She
struck a match and
lit each star like
a candle.

Brightly,
each tiny candlelight
in the sky
shines
she
strung her silver thread
across the stars
drawing out the constellations
drawing a circle in the sky.
A star catcher
drawn by the light of the night
darkness
couldn’t extinguish her.

Dim candles
In the night
Overpowered by the moon

Light falling
Gently shifting
To the night’s noon

All is calm now
Peace and quiet
As the moonglows bloom

Sunrise comes
Soon enough
But for now
The day sleeps too

5 ways of looking at grief
(after Wallace Stevens)
1,
The chains that collapse my chest
Fill me with the poison
Of fear,
And regret.

2,
The peace that clouds my mind
The sweet, blind bliss
Of denial.

3,
The tears that hold me,
Deep in the night
Running down my cold cheek
And stabbing me
In my tired heart.

4,
The past love
Still lingering
It runs deep in my veins
And keeps their memories near.

5,
The skeleton key
Twisting the fragile feelings
Gracefully woven together
In my weak heart.

The wind flows by whispering secrets of the forest where I now walk
Telling me stories and songs of people who once lived here
With a blink of an eye a gust of wind sends leaves flying
Slowly floating down like a dream
It feels like magic arms wrap around me welcoming me home
A piece of me that was missing for so long now
Completing the puzzle that is my heart
Here is where I truly feel at home here is where I belong