Category: 09th

I open my eyes and rise into The Anymore.
The world is burning around me.
I wish to close my eyes once more.

All I hear is music and allure.
The sun’s a warm comforting glow on my back.
I open my eyes and rise into The Anymore.

122, 123, 124, there’s no more going out of the door.
Laying on the floor that’s as cool as a wool blanket,
I wish to close my eyes once more.

It’s raining with water that numbs my core.
A breeze washes by that makes even the tree’s shiver.
I open my eyes and rise into the Anymore.

No more going outside today with the boiling storm,
Hot enough to burn through the last tree on our street.
I wish to close my eyes once more.

The Anymore dawned with the oceans rising but we couldn’t care, too much of a bore.
I open my eyes and rise into the Anymore.
I wish to close my eyes once more.

Out of all the things we could have done, laying there in the sun.
Out of all the lies we told ourselves, this shouldn’t have been one.
We could have laughed and cried and never died, whilst laying in the sun.
I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, it’s true.
While I am not with you I do not know what to do.

Out of all the things I could have done, that was way too far.
I felt cold and dead, watching you crash and burn in that car.
I know you never really felt the same.
I wish you could know that I take all the blame.

Out of all the things I never did, I wish I had told you.
“The brakes don’t work, stay with me,
darling I love you”.

Wintertime, however hard it tries,
Will always be peaceful.
White snowflakes fall from the sky,
Dancing in the air
Snow makes the world beautiful
When it’s falling on Christmas
The mountains glistening
Making everything white.
The calm quiet streets, free to rome.
Twinkling lights lining houses
Cold noses, ears, faces,
Winter is beautiful.

I stand on my sunny porch
Watering my plants that are begging for water.

I think back on my life
Wondering if I’ve truly lived a full 70 years.
I haven’t gone skydiving,
I haven’t swam with dolphins,
I haven’t met myself.

I walk inside, a cane in hand
Wishing I had more time left.
To travel the world,
To try new things,
To see my grandkids graduate.

I sit in a chair by the window
Watching the kids play in the street.
Riding their bikes,
Playing tag,
Constantly screaming and laughing.

I smile brightly like they do
Wanting to feel that way again.

I lay in my gloomy room
Water dancing in my tear ducts.

I think about my life
Wondering what I should’ve done differently.
I should’ve cared more,
I should’ve been there for them,
I should’ve been there for myself.

I let a tear run down my face
Wishing my life would just end already.
I don’t need to travel the world,
I don’t need to try new things,
I don’t need my family to see me suffer.

I look through my camera roll
Watching my childhood home videos.
My younger self giggling,
My younger self loving,
My younger self before everything happened.

I smile like my younger self does
Wanting to feel that way again.

All the pain.
All the misery.
Going to classes even when I didn’t like
Dancing
My feet scream in pain,
And my arms moan.
A yelling teacher,
Frustrated parents
I regret my decision.
But slowly
S l o w l y
                   S
                       L
                          O
                             W
                                  L
                                     Y
Something starts to change.
The dedication I put
Less yelling,
Less frustration,
No regrets.
Dancing feels like sunshine on a rainy day
Now
It helps my mood
It helps my stress
A hobby that I can call mine.
Possessive about the art form
An ode to dance,
A cool drink on a dry desert
I get lost in the moves,
Of flowy arms and strong legs.
The way I move,
Oh it’s something else…

Oh how God has blessed me
Blessed me with a cordial soul like his
I would gather every flower in the world for him,
Even arrange them in a perfect bouquet
For he makes me happy when I am sad
He dries my tears when they roll down my face

He would drop anything
and anyone
to be there for me
Every second…
Every moment…
Until he knows I am okay

I would sell my soul if it would keep him happy
mountain
tallest and
the go
climb to
the
deepest
valley

Just to make him smile
Just like he’s done for me so many times before,
When I lose motivation
When I need a laugh
When I feel inadequate doing homework
When my parents ground me
When the world seems to be crashing down
\
He always makes me smile

When I
fall
to
the
ground
He
s
t
f
i
L
me back up
For he is the best friend I have ever had

Even though our memories are few,
Each and every one holds a special place in my heart
There isn’t one person that doesn’t like him
And I can clearly see why,
He is like a star
Even in my darkest moments he brightens my life

I would like it if you
My dearest best friend,
would stay with me for a while…

God gave me a glorious gift
You.
My everything.
My world.
My best friend.

I am from my mother’s kimchi
The food that made me who I am
A plate of red with every meal
Tangy and spicy, yet it tasted sweet
The recipe from generations, mother to daughter
An entire history inside this kimchi
The rich flavor and spice made me stronger
Knowing I had my family right beside me

I am from the bright, blue skies
Going out to play with my brothers for hours on end
Our small backyard felt like a whole park, filling our limitless imaginations
We wouldn’t mind if we got dirty for we were too happy even to care
Digging for treasure, chasing butterflies, and pretending to be spies undercover
Our only worry was the day ending
If it did the fun would end
But no worries
For the day would start anew

I am from the laughter filling every corner
Happiness, humor, jokes
Oh how it filled my tiny heart
Squinted eyes that resembled a rainbow
Smiling faces showing true happiness
Only pure laughter in the air
Every moment felt magical

I am from traveling
Years and years of exploring the world
The extravagant castles of Europe
The exotic dishes of Asia
The bustling cities of North America
Still, many more places to explore together
Following my family in a little camping car
Yellow curtains, plastic walls, a loud heater, and the scent of lavender
It was like our second home
I am from memories filled to the brim
We’ve been through it all thick and thin
Painful winters, burning summers
Finding new homes
Growing to love them as the ones before

I am from happiness
Days and days filled with joyful memories
Food, culture, family
The people I love surround me with the extraordinary
Cloudy days can’t darken our dreams as sunny days are bound to come
Building new homes happily wherever we go
For we are together

Younger self

The date is October 5th,
It’s my 15th birthday, I feel as large as life,

I wake up to the sweet smell of sizzling blueberry pancakes and maple syrup,
my favorite.

I love getting older.

I glance in the mirror and get a sense of reality
I feel taller, bigger, my baby face has disappeared,
I finally look more womanly,

I don’t even feel older, should I?

My parents give me a quick hug and kiss before they head to work, and I head for the bus.

I showed up to school,
Everyone remembered.

My mom picks me up early from school and brings me to my favorite restaurant.

I lay in bed thinking about how this is only the beginning,
What does the future intel?
Where will I be in 30 years?
What will I do?
Where will I go?

These concerns consume my mind until
my eyes are closed
and I am asleep.

Oh to know what the future beholds….

Older self
Its October 5th It’s my 50th birthday, ,
Oh god am I really half a century old today..
I feel like i’ve lived 1000 years,

Today I woke up to last night’s chinese food on the kitchen top, and a million dishes.

I hate getting older.

Getting ready for the day I look into my makeup mirror and glance at every imperfection
Long straight lines run through my forehead,
My wrinkles are forming ,
My back seems hunch and I spot each gray slowly coming in,

I still feel like a child, when does this feeling change,

My parents give me a call and sent me a gift.

I showed up to work,
no one remembered.

I come home and get ready for a night
out with my friends.

I close my eyes and wish I could just be 15 again.
No kids,
no job,
no worries.

Oh to be 15 again.

I finally met you,
a few months back.
After constantly asking,
and endless waiting,
I met you.
The thing I wanted most in life.

It was wrong and selfish of me,
even to just ask.
But there you were,
sitting,
waiting,
looking lonely and sad.
I felt like you were there for me.
And now you are.

You missed your friend.
The man who used to sing along with you,
to his daughters and wife.
You missed the guy who talked to you
when he was feeling sad.
This man you loved.
But he disappeared.
Never to be seen again,
by you,
his friend,
or by his daughter,
and his wife.

He.
Died.

And now,
the only memory of him is in you.
His memory lingers,
like how carvings stay in trees.
And I’m scared,
that I will never be enough,
that I will never compare to the great man,
who played this guitar.

I am scared to fail the memory,
of a man I never got to meet.

Your smell of wood,
aging every second.
Your gentle strings.
The sound of you so beautiful,
It always makes me cry.

The connection we hold,
I hope you had with him.
How you’re always there,
waiting,
to cheer me up.

The adventures we’ve had,
playing from our hearts,
to sitting down to talk,
of our feelings,
and our lives.

But when I see you,
I’m still scared,
Though this relationship has grown.
I’m afraid.
Cause I know,
I’ll never be worthy to play you.

July
Tonight I look at Ara
I swear a vow of allegiance,
To the altar
Just as the gods did before they went to war.
Between the dropseed, I believe I have the best view
Other then the old road south of my feet, it is quiet
A dim yellow brushes the corner of my eyes, interrupting my pledge
“Are you dead?”
I sit up from the grasses, dry and itchy, as comforting as home
I don’t respond
The lights roll away
I go back to Ara

August
Tonight I look at Hercules
The war is just beginning
And the boy Hercules is arising from the mortal village
A vision of strength disguised in a teenage body
It’s hot out tonight
The old road is loud with cars
first football game of the season
The lights are back
They stop this time, turn off
The dropseed shivers and rustles at something new
Flattening the grass as he lays beside me
“So you’re not dead”
His presence is a contrast to the weather
I turn away
Back to Hercules

September
Tonight I look at Capricornus
Battle is waging
The goat battering others with it’s horns
The lights were here before me this time
The boy already laying in the grass
“It’s Capricornus tonight”
It’s dark so he doesn’t see me smile
Or maybe he does?
His face is hidden by the dark sky above us
I lay down
I was cold before, but next to him it’s warm
We look together
Back to Capricornus

October
Tonight I look at Pegasus
The war is won, the gods rejoice
More stars are visible tonight then usually
But I’m not as focused
His name is Dawnie, like the morn’
I call him Annie
We talk in school now, he’s a grade ahead of me
And although tonight feels perfect
Not to hot, not to cold
And the stars are shimmering
I find myself gazing at something else
But back the stars
Back to Pegasus

November
It’s too cold to go stargazing
But I go anyway
I lost track of what constellation is there tonight
Only what boy is
We share a blanket, but don’t dare glimpse at the sky
The dropseed like the soft pillows I imagine in his room
I cry when I get home, sore
I missed the stars
December-March is too cold for stars
But I’ll find something else to look at.
Back to Annie

July
It’s Sunday night
I take the keys, recite the address
Glass shatters
Mom says to get out, to go to the church
Before things get bad
So I drive
Down the old road, towards the school and the chapel
A body catches my eyes
A girl laying between the dropseed
I roll to a stop, my lights dimming to yellow
My window comes down
Creaking with the thickness of the wind
“Are you dead?”
She sits up, and points to the sky
Stargazer.
I drive away

August
It’s Thursday night
I walk out of the house bruised, but not badly
Mom says to get out again, Dad drives in from the bar
So I take the keys
It’s hot out tonight
The old road is busy with cars
Copies of one and other, herding in the high school stadium
First football game of the season
I would go, but I have a better idea
I slow, then stop
Turn my lights off so she can see
The dropseed rustles as I walk deeper in
And I lay down next to her
“So you’re not dead”
She turns away
But I don’t

September
It’s Friday night
I’m bleeding when I leave, but I don’t mind
I punched Dad today, he cut my brow
The sun is setting when I get there
Before her
I’m laying in the grass when she walks up
“It’s tonight”
I had bought a star chart
She smiles, but doesn’t know I notice
Or maybe she does?
I feel her next to me
I forget my problems, for I’m next to her
I forgot my cut, staining the grasses a cold vermillion
We look together
Up at

October
It’s Saturday Night
The Police are here, Dad will go away for a little while
The stars what is happening, and shine a little brighter
But I’m not as focused on them
Her name is Athena, like the goddess
No surprise she likes the stars, different stars then most other girls focus on
I call her Enna
We talk in school now, she’s a grade below me
Tonight is perfect
Not to hot, not to cold
And Mom is safe
I want to think about her, but my thoughts keep drifting
Back to Enna
We lay there for a while
And watch the stars

November
It’s to go stargazing
But I go anyway
I bring blankets for us, for protection from the cold
I bring other types of protection too
I need her
We share a blanket, the dropseed acting as a pillow around us
I smile on my way home, sore
I love her
She is my stars now
December-March is too cold for stars
But I have something else to look at.
Enna.

(Context: The descriptions of how the constellations relate to Greek mythology compare to what domestic violence Dawnie is experiencing at home, acting as an extended metaphor. They also are constellations best viewed during the month they’re talked about.)