Vision+Voice

It starts with a secret
And something wrong
An inch of distance and it splits
Bacteria growing and you are the microscope
A mass of nothing real,
Nothing you’ve ever seen before
And yet it falls into cliche
So easily labeled and so easily fixed,
Right?
Just a single appointment with a man and you are on a couch
And all of your problems are solved
And you try to keep it together because you aren’t allowed to let it go
In front of the people you know
Who you want to respect
And it’s just so hard because what can you do?
He isn’t there anymore
He is a memory and you have amnesia
An infectious love and he isn’t sick
My God, but he is the sickest of them all
It starts with a secret
And something wrong
And soon it becomes the secret
A tidbit shared here and there and then you are the gossip
And then the rift is between you and the others, too
People who don’t know anything make it something
You really wish it was what it looks like
Break your own heart, say you never loved him
And then he becomes a disease
Always there
A cold wet toad squatting on your chest
And he is just him but amplified because you are the speaker
Selling happiness one bag at a time in something strong
Something you bang down on the counter after
The longest day
And you have to make fun of it, because what else is there?
You just wanted a fun time and someone good
And look where you are now.
A family reunion and you are not smiling
A party and you are not there
And soon you aren’t invited
You let the sickness consume you
And it’s all because of him
All him
All him and then he leaves you even though he is the cancer
He is the disease
And you,
You would think when he went away it would go away too
But you’re stuck
A good man and he passes you by
Why was it always you?
And you don’t have any notifications in your phone
Can’t afford it, really
Medical bills sucked it out of you and so did yourself
Another man and he was good enough
But you were not good enough
And you’re alone.
One day he comes back to your door
Says he still loves you
You never loved him, but what sanctuary lies can be!
And he is there again and all of the leaves are out of your yard.
You never knew
That you as a person were so inconvenienced without him.
He helped you so much and he tells you
Tells you every day
And it is a bigger rift than before, but you are content
Content sitting in your little chair all alone
Because he is outside
And you never loved him.
You never loved him, but what sanctuary lies can be!

Poem 11/30/2020
I wake full of excitement;
The taste of coffee on my tongue
Winter Holiday lights
The smell of sausage In the oven;
On the table white powdered empanadas.
Like sweet packets of snow.
The chatter of Conversation, like a tidal wave.
When I open a gift; I realized that the real gift is surrounding me.

Exactly at 7:00 pm everyday, things change,
like they move in my room.
My fairy lights laugh and dance around in the dark.
My stuffed animal runs off the bed and starts to sing opera.
The picture of the turtle on my calendar comes to life and gracefully jumps into water.
My blankets come out of the cabinets and boogie their way across the hallway.
But if I look, the magic disappears. So at exactly 7:00, I close my door, close my window and sit in the hallway listening to all what my room can do.

Only a few chapters back,
when I had not known,
The green were friendly as ever it’d be,
And yet so safe and unknown.
Every passing day, every choice made,
Sometimes I wondered why,
To call, to ask, to query all,
To get no answers back from all.

This is not who I am, this is not me,
I am not the one to wait and see,
But I may sit, I may run,
But there is no choice in between.
None can stop the light to spread,
None can stop the light to thread,
But one can reach and hope it stays,
And I know that it will one day blaze.

Winter

The cold brisk air

The almost white hue of the sun

The streaking shadows on the trees

The brilliance of the snow

The blinding light of morning

The welcome feel of comfy, cozy, comfort

The infusing smell of cold, dipping into everything in nature

The cold dewy grass under your feet

The trees dusted with the mist of cold

The warmth of the sunlight, radiating off the ground

The feel of excitement as the holidays rush closer

The one and only feel of winter

The darkness rises
The spook must stop the darkness
Do they achieve peace?

Sometimes I feel like i’m stuck in a glass
box
with no one to teach me, i’m not really breathing,
why not
The walls are getting closer and my heart is racing over I’m not really sure how to
stop
The tears are now flowing
The water is filling up my glass
box
I’m stuck in this cycle and I can’t seem to
stop
why not
its my glass
box
my power is flowing
the box is now growing
now it is
 not
It’s now in shards on the floor
now i’m not as
distraught

I love sports.

I love the excitement I get before a game.

I love how I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow,

because we worked very hard.

I love the fame in my name.

When I score a lot more.

When I do my best, and then I am able to rest.

When I have stuff to do at home, besides be on my phone.

When I make new friends, until the end.

At the end of the day, I pray

I never quit.

Why I’m Here.
Sometimes I look into
The mirror and wonder why
I’m here. Maybe for smiles
Or laughs or cries yet I know I’m here
For something. But what?

I sit and wonder all this time,
But I still sit and wonder why?
Maybe for sports or school,
Yet that’s not why.

Then I sit and think for
A good long time and
Realize why I’m here.
Maybe for emotions, sports, or
Education, but the real truth is everything.
Your human you do all and that is why God
Put you here on this earth, So you can do it all.

So yeah sometimes I look into
The mirror and wonder why
I’m here.

My mind is always wandering.
Back to when I was younger…
When I was small.
What I’ll be when I’m older…
What will I do as an adult?
Will I make them proud?
Them, my parents.
The reason I succeed in life…
The reason I am here…
The reason I try my hardest…
I wouldn’t be who I am without them.
My mind is always wandering.
Even to the saddest thoughts…
What will life be like when my parents are gone?
Will I still smile?
Or will my personality be gone?
My mind is always wandering…
And it never stops.