Vision+Voice

Ocean waves calm, cool.
hot humid sun, burning me
white sand beach, Cancun

I used to be sad, but now I’m happy
I used to have no one, but now I have everyone I need
I used to have weight on my shoulders, but now I’m a feather falling onto a puddle, I’m a free bird
I used to hate everything, but now I enjoy the little things
I used to believe that nothing will get better, but now everything has changed

I’m from Willie
From pecan trees and ziplines
I am from friends are family
Whose plants danced in the sun
I am from casio and sunglasses
From McKinney and Balter
I am from movies on fridays and basketball on sundays
And from open windows on weekend mornings
I am from Boston trips
I am from pop and ma
From frozen pizzas and pasta
From good friends
And from trampolines
I am from those moments and my family

I’m from a pink blanket
I’m from a white bed with a puffy blanket
I’m from a car that took my family around the world
I’m from a nail polish that’s hardened on the top
I’m from a water bottle that has bumps and scratches
I’m from a phone that is dipped and dives into water
I’m from a couch that is filled with my stuffed animal
I’m from a banana that is sting lonely on the counter top
I’m from a shirt that has marks that tells it’s been sewed
I’m from a comb that has black hair all wrinkled up

Boy with short hair
Girls with long

Boys with trucks,
Girls with dolls.

And I just sit here lost.

They say I must choose one,
But I can’t.

Boys love girls,
Girls love boys,
Girls love girls,
Boys love boys.

But I can’t seem to feel anything at all.

In a world full of love and romantics,
It’s easy to feel lost.

When everyone’s talking about crushes and dates,
I feel lost.

Boys chase after girls,
Girls chase boys,
Boys chase boys,
Girls chase boys.

And I’m lost.
Ungendered,
Not feeling anything for anyone at all.

I’m from a dusty mirror, above an old clock, from a stuffed animal and bought blanket, I am from an angry household, and a four-room house, I am from a big oak tree that once got cut down, whose branches I would climb when it was windy, I am from a necklace engraved with an s, and a blue bracelet I never take off, from the Canelos and Richer family, I am from an angry family, filled with rage and depression, and from an independent family, I am from Saint Ignatius Church, I am from Betty and Ken Richer, from pizza and ice cream, from a ten-k race, that I finished with pride, from wanting to learn Spanish when I was young, I am from those moments in my colorful past, and the memories I’d wished I had forgotten all those years ago.

I’m from a bat and ball
from playing catch.
I’m from yellow lights
and bright yellow lights.
I’m from dark oak tree
that froze to death.

I’m from my mom’s gooey chocolate chip cookies,
to my dad’s instrument talents.
I’m from A’s in school
to athletes.
I’m from a garden with tomato plants
all juicy and red.
I’m from Pizza Night every Friday,
and going to my grandparent’s house for Christmas.
I am from dreams
to reality.

I used to be inpatient, but now I listen. I used to be ecstatic but now I’m tired. I used to be full of wishes for myself, but now my wishes are no longer my own. I used to hang out with people whenever I wanted but now it’s just me all alone. I used to watch movies and shows, but now there is no time for those. I used to be up all night laughing but now I am up all night hopping. I used to hope for the day to get longer, but now that is the last of my worries. I used to cry alone, but now there is no time for tears, only regret.