Crossroads of Uncertainty

I walk on a road
Trying to find my way to reason
Go left
Or go right
I don’t know anymore
I walk on this road unsure of its destination
I go straight
Straight on the path of another, I see
Watching their movements I follow them
One step in front of the other waiting for them to see
They turn staring at me
It feels like an eternity with their eyes on me
until I realize
They’re waiting for me
I walk until I reach them at the end of the line
I walk with them side by side for what seems like forever
I walk straight at the crossroad but pause
as I realize they’ve gone right
On a different path than mine

Who made the light leave?

Who made the light leave?
Who made her step away,
and never come back?
Who pushed her back into the corner

This person,
I mean —
The one
Who took her away from the people she loves
Or used to
Love

The one who
Didn’t think about anyone else
Who lives in her nightmares
Who is without a face

Now she spreads her wings
Now she’s slipped through our fingertips

I don’t know exactly what a funeral is.
I do know how you’re supposed to act
How to cry
How to feel
How to wonder why
Which is what I’ve been doing all day

Tell me,
What else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything leave us eventually?

Tell me,
Why did you go,
And drag her with you.

Summer Afternoon

She pondered
as she looked out onto
the wide horizon
Her heart pounded in her chest like a beating drum
As it rose to her throat

The tide pulled her back and forth
She swayed with the sea’s wind

The white dress she wore
Straggled in the wind
It flowed like the water
Of the deep
blue
waters

On her knees
she whispered
out of cold
dry
colorless
lips
Who are you?

On her back
she laid
alone

Sleep

“Goodbye Toby”

The day he left us,

it was just another day in life,

“We’re putting him to sleep.”

they told a 6-year-old me,

I didn’t process though,

I didn’t cry

like I should’ve

I strapped on my velcro shoes and went to school,

The day didn’t feel like it

should have

the wind that danced around me was a ballerina light on its feet,

not whipping and twirling too violently as it

should have

The lights of the cafeteria were tenderly illuminating the world,

not blinding and overwhelming as they

should have

Only when my not-gone-as-should-have day

ended,

only when I was sitting around the dinner table

did I realize

I realized he wasn’t there begging for food under the table,

I realized never again would he be ,

I couldn’t grasp why he left,

I asked where he was,

they told me

“He’s gone, honey,

we put him down today.”

I finally understood what

I hadn’t before,

that he would close his eyes forever,

that I wouldn’t be there with him in his last moments,

I cried,

wet, salty tears formed floods that swept away the whole world,

I cursed myself for not knowing,

for living happily when he could live

no more.

everything was only regret and

loss,

temporarily.

I built up my world again from the ruins the tears had left behind.

I learned to dance with the wind again

to see the lights as softly glowing again,

Now I sometimes think about that

too-normal day

I see that I didn’t realize the truth

that morning I left for school instead of

staying with him.

I see that I despised myself for not knowing until

too late.

I was hard on myself,

I see that.

But I still wish for a

goodbye.

So now I say it softly to the empty room,

“Goodbye Toby”

Blank Page

A blank page is the gap
between real world and imagination
Think and do

A blank page is bitterness
The words aren’t coming
But the frustration is

A blank page is trapped
Imprisoned in the everlasting white
No way to escape

A blank page is
Ideas of what was
And what could have been
Inspiration kept hidden
Deep within the soul

A blank page is forever
Everyone will move on with the world
But the blank page will stay
Remnants of the past
Sparks of creativity
Hidden forever

A hot summer day

the sun scorches our hot backs
it’s not a pleasant sort of tingle,
prickle or sensation

it’s of feeling like your skin is on fire
so unreasonably hot
like being baked in an oven
unable to get out

we trudge through the streets
shoes getting stuck in the melting,
sticky, tar of the road

there is sweat leaking
through our clothes

It cascades in salty puddles
on the parched sidewalk

when it seems like the heat
is too much to bare

that we will curl up on the grass
and drown in the searing light
of the sun

a gentle jingle erupts in the sultry air

the sound of the ice cream truck
of cool, frosty treats

of air conditioning whistling through our hair
of pure, delicious, goodness dribbling down our chins

we charge towards the familiar sound
and fumble through our pockets for coins
like our lives depend on it

the ice cream man
gives us a cheery smile
and presents us with

ice cream and popsicles in
all different colors

we lick our icy treats
greedily gulping down the arctic slush

before we know it
it’s all gone

and all that is left
is a full belly
and a sense of relief on
this
sweltering
summer
day

Poems Hide (After Naomi Shihab Nye)

Poems hide
in your closet
in the pockets
of your old coats
pretending
not to matter.

Poems hide
in the valley
between
the snow-capped
mountains
tricking you
into thinking
they don’t want
to be found.

Poems hide
on your bookshelf
peaking at you
from their perch
between the pages
feining innocence
when you finally
open your eyes.

Ars Poetica

A poem should be a snapshot
A window into a single moment in time

That stops you in your tracks
And fills your mind with emotion

A poem should be something magical
While being nothing special

Complex
Yet simple

A poem should be raw and real
As if it was ripped right out of you

Flowing from your heart to the page
In meer seconds

A poem should be a blooming wildflower
Sprouting everywhere

In vivid colors
In vivid pictures

A poem should be you
All of you written on a page

Your self-portrait
Your life