Month: January 2023

A merciful hand squeezes the sponge in my mind
As the grip tightens, my body weakens
Driven by love, resulting in hate
Comparison leads to a desire for numbness
The goal of perfection leads to despise
Despisal for the very entity that gives the gift of dance
My body
Movement heals, but it also reminds
A lasting reminder that no matter what
The joy will at some point be lost
The sponge dry, the hand tired
Music will no longer demand motion
Death of a hobby, turned passion, turned love
My gratitude lasts long after the fire is put out
True love for the fire, hatred for the burn

I know now that our friendship was only a season
A short cycle in the infinity of time
when seeing you was what I looked forward to most
The anticipation of summer in the winter

I know now that no matter how close
no matter how vulnerable our conversations
no matter how much we laughed in the middle of the night
the memories did not last in your mind as they did mine

I know now that it was meant to be temporary
You made new memories in other seasons
Memories that replaced our summer

I sometimes wonder if I have always known this
If in the back of my mind I saw you fading
As the weather grew colder you lost your warm feeling
but I put on my coat and gloves
I added layer upon layer
I held on until I couldn’t bear the cold

I know now that I will be ok
As the layers melted off I felt unexpected relief
A relief that allowed me to find myself again

I know now that seasons change
Summer eventually turns into fall

I wish I would’ve known then what I know now

What goes up but can’t come down,
And seen again comes crashing sound,
Sends ripples through the leaves
As tiny pebbles do disturbed.

Swallow until feather falling,
And once perturbed minds are calling.
Lo, but not held spins,
Alone, until rise night.

Whispers tell me other things,
Like rose unfurled and angel wings.
Lost a love, hoping, waiting, for,
Another day is gone to sleep.

Who dreams a soulless dream?
And wakes up a new man, new gleam,
And yet the call of darker streaks
Flow like ink in a spool of twine.

Hope you see is walking here,
And nourishes on fear,
Her own feathered catchers
Preying on shattered souls.

No one shall then be gone awake an,
Speak alone the death of a man.

A penny from heaven
From a dog or a cat
Person someone family member
A small little gift A card A memory A penny

From heaven
A small little hello I’m here
Memories surround us memories are here
A little love A little bye A little shine

From a penny from heaven

A little mystery a little trick your past one wants to9 see you Laugh

A little reminder of us past members we are still here

Our home is heaven a wonderful place we come with Gifts

Memories Reminders of us Memories of you

We come with pennies from heaven
Heaven is our home don’t take us back to pain we
are
with you in your heart

From al heaven has taught me here’s a penny from earth

Burning.
Left unsaid, unknown, paper paving the way,
snatches of tragedy and truces melding into cobblestone,
rain pelts the hearts in each word, souls screaming with cold, with want, haunted.
The words, oh the words, they carried a small girl across an ocean,
they saw her through tempests and temptation of dirty red scars,
oozing, bruising, a cataclysmic wave washes away the purity, washes away the disgust,
no longer clean but human, with human wants and human selfishness,
just hold on and don’t let go, don’t not believe, hope, want, steal,
greed should not be repressed it should be indulged,
a greedy man is warm in winter because he took the fire, he burns, he’s bright,
coal condescending those without the gumption to take it home,
At least buy me dinner first they monotone, making mad, making bad.
Why, why does everything slip like silk,
fingers textured but not gripping, slide in ice of regret, no traction, nothing at all,
it has never been smooth, unworn,
life has treated you like sandpaper, you can hold on, don’t let go,
all your life you have compromised, accommodating, settling,
want scorching insides, stirring the thick soup of hot tears and trembling fists,
doe, you are a doe, stop trembling and stand tall,
sun makes patterns in browning fur, white giving way to hard keratin,
wind through the trees faster than wind, arrive in a glade, come home,
don’t be afraid of the hunter and his rifle; he will miss and you will run faster than he could, can.
Nestle into a hollow and become one with stone and let moss cover your scars,
let blooms fall onto your soft head,
be greedy for beauty, for reprieve, for retribution,
you have given and given and given, now take, take the life you want,
seize it by the throat and kiss it gently, softly, safely,
you will learn to love again, you will learn to sing again, you will learn again,
scars full of moss and metamorphosis, unfolding paper wings with words of healing,
doe eyes giving way to you, just you, you are you, not a doe, not a girl, just you,
wait no longer, with hands full of wanton regret,
Fill yourself with greed and greet the world anew.

Riding through the meadow
on my big trusty fellow
hooves clicking
hooves flicking

My big mighty beast
is ready to feast
when he’s back in his stall
he barely recalls
the fun we just had
but I can’t be mad!

Soaring through the sky
like an eagle, I fly
into the hoop
and out the other side
orange and black
I’m like a tiger’s back
while I glare
everybody should
play fair

I stand on my sunny porch
Watering my plants that are begging for water.

I think back on my life
Wondering if I’ve truly lived a full 70 years.
I haven’t gone skydiving,
I haven’t swam with dolphins,
I haven’t met myself.

I walk inside, a cane in hand
Wishing I had more time left.
To travel the world,
To try new things,
To see my grandkids graduate.

I sit in a chair by the window
Watching the kids play in the street.
Riding their bikes,
Playing tag,
Constantly screaming and laughing.

I smile brightly like they do
Wanting to feel that way again.

I lay in my gloomy room
Water dancing in my tear ducts.

I think about my life
Wondering what I should’ve done differently.
I should’ve cared more,
I should’ve been there for them,
I should’ve been there for myself.

I let a tear run down my face
Wishing my life would just end already.
I don’t need to travel the world,
I don’t need to try new things,
I don’t need my family to see me suffer.

I look through my camera roll
Watching my childhood home videos.
My younger self giggling,
My younger self loving,
My younger self before everything happened.

I smile like my younger self does
Wanting to feel that way again.

You bark, you play
you sit by the hay
you leave our ear drums ringing
while you keep on singing
You’ll eat and sleep and play once more
before we go on you must not know
that you aren’t a human though.

It’s dinner time I run downstairs,
I saw some yummy-looking pears
The sound they make inside your mouth
It makes me feel like I’m down south.
I finished dinner and started homework;
My dad looked at me and smirked
He said, “it’s time for bed sweetie.”
I said, “Oh your so cheeky.”
I grab my ice cream and plop on the couch,
Watching youtube put me down
I was so tired I barely awoke.
Walked into the bedroom and brushed my teeth
I grabbed the lotion from under beneath
Ran up the stairs and to my room,
Jumped into bed and kaboom
I layed in bed and drifted off;
Luckily I didn’t know that I had to cough.